Texas Tee-Vee

Thanks to Big Edie, I have been a longtime fan of the penultimate primetime soap opera Dallas ever since it first aired. I am pretty sure I have seen every single episode of its record 14 (!) seasons (yes, even the "dream season"). Thanks to its signature theme song, nerve-racking cliffhangers (like who shot J.R. and Bobby in the shower) and the always welcome sight of a frequently shirtless Patrick Duffy, I was addicted to the trials and tribulations of the Ewings of Southfork. Heck, I even would have bought all the action figures (even Lucy), if they had ever been made available.

So I have always been leery about the news of an impending Dallas movie. How exactly would they be able to recreate the soapy shenanigans of my favorite Texas oil family on the big screen in a mere two-hour running time? Would J.R. be shot yet again? Would the whole middle of the movie be another one of Pam's elaborately plotted dreams? Would Miss Ellie change actresses half way through and then change back again? Would Bobby take his shirt off lots of times?

My resistance to the whole idea doubled when I heard that it would not be a drama, but an outright comedy, yet another instance when the memory of a beloved television series is tarnished by a big screen misstep (Starsky & Hutch, Bewitched, Land of the Lost, the list goes on). Granted, that might have worked if they employed some of my ideas I mentioned in the last paragraph, but I don't think Hollywood scriptwriters are all that clever. No matter, because it seems that they have gone back to doing a straight-up drama, even though Betty Thomas is assigned to direct. You may recall that she was at the helm for one of the few times that a TV-to-movie transfer actually worked, The Brady Bunch Movie.

Drama or comedy, casting rumors are floating about, with John Travolta likely to slip into Larry Hagman's Stetsons as good ol' J.R. He was attached to an earlier version of the project, along with (shiver) Luke Wilson and Jennifer Lopez as Bobby and Pam. Thankfully, those two are out, and Lost boy Matthew Fox and Friday Night Lights' Minka Kelly are in as the couple. Julie Benz (Darla in Buffy/Angel) would booze it up as Sue Ellen, while Katie Cassidy will tart it up as Lucy. Heading the clan will be none other then James Brolin and Diane Ladd as Jock and Miss Ellie, both of whom seem way too young. And finally, J.R.'s ever-present nemesis, Cliff Barnes, will by played by Rob Lowe. I can see him in that role, and some of the others are promising (if these rumors do turn out to be true), but I'm still not sold on this return trip to the Lone Star State.

Click here to buy Dallason DVD from Amazon.com.
Links via UltimateDallas.com, Imdb.com, YouTube.com, MegoMuseum.com and CinemaBlend.com.